This weekend the journey for me of filming Me & Mrs. Jones started. We spent all day yesterday filming our dialog scenes and a couple others that I already did voice over tracks for. I felt pretty good about it. I found myself in the moment which was physically draining. There were a lot of emotionally distraught scenes for me which gave me emo brain (an emotional headache basically).
Whenever I’m in a place where my character is depressed, sad, angry, or at somewhat of a low point it really puts a damper on me as a person. I found myself irritable and moody between scenes and takes and was so glad when those scenes were over so I could put myself in a happier place. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when Diane was allowed to be truly comfortable and happy. It gave me even more insight to her person and the situation that she went through. It’s so nice when you are around a crew that will let you as an actor find your place and give you space to create as an actor. There was a moment when I had lost my tears and the scene called for crying. Emotionally I was still there, but I was at the point that I cried so much that I couldn’t cry anymore. I had that dull feeling and no more energy for tears. I asked for a few minutes, was able to find the same intention that started the tears, and they came back. I was asked where I go to find them and I really just go to the truth of the scene. It definitely helps when you have something similar that’s happened in your life to draw from. Some actors will find anything that makes them sad, but the tears are different for every situation and I think the camera can read that.
I have a love hate relationship with watching myself, mostly because I don’t look at the acting. I always find myself looking at my physical appearance because I’ve always struggled with the way I look. I see all the flaws that maybe others don’t see, but it’s the hardest part of being an actor. Loving this craft so much and not liking the way you appear on camera is hard and I know I’m not the only one that feels that way. With that said, I’m hoping that I can watch these scenes objectively and see what I put into Diane. I am hoping that I created someone beautiful and gave her justice.
I still have a a few more days of filming so I’ll let you know how it goes! This movie is truly unique, poetic, and created from true events from the writer’s life. I think that this is going to be a great experience for the audience. I can’t wait until it’s finished and out there to get feedback.